I’ve learned to walk without looking at the ground, and keep eye contact as I talk. I’ve become the badass woman I’ve always dreamed, even through fear.
-CurlyBae

Hey Curlfrans,

I wanted to tap into a topic that literally plagued my everyday life: Self-doubt. Self-doubt comes from the lack of confidence. Lack of confidence comes from our own self-destructive thoughts. It’s when simple self talk become the devil’s advocate when the mind when it’s idle.

I can recall a little over two years ago, I went to a model retreat. At these retreats, models and photographers would meet up at an undisclosed location for a themed shoot. It’s a great way to network and meet up with other creatives throughout the city.

I ‘ve never considered myself a model since I don’t have a conventional model look. What enticed me was the need for fresh content and to network. The best part was it’s FREE! I spent days obsessing over my look. I thought about what I should wear, how I would style my hair and how I would do my makeup. I freaked out so much that I started getting stress pimples!

On the day of the retreat, I showed up excited, but immediately felt out-of-place. I didn’t think it was trendy enough compared to the other models. My makeup wasn’t as beat as I envisioned. My skin looked like the bottom of the crunch bar and my body wasn’t as toned as I would like. Bottom line, I didn’t feel put together. My mind kept reminding me I was the oldest model there. My confidence left the building when I started viewing the models as my competition. In a group of super confident models, I felt like a frumpy, old woman who didn’t belong. I couldn’t talk my confidence back due to the SELF imposed mental warfare.

My insecurities overshadowed my will to take part. I watched the other models and admired their confidence. I eventually excused myself, trying to leave unnoticed. As I walked to my car, I heard a deep voice say, “Hey, where you going?” I turned to a photographer who ventured off to the parking lot as well. He started an enthused conversation praising the event and complimenting my unique look. As always, I just brushed off the compliment as him being nice, ended the conversation and turned back to my car.

As I drove off, I stopped myself to call myself out. I burned a potential collaboration at its stake. The only interaction that I received since arriving with my bitter attitude. This photographer could have been my blessing. I pushed him away because I didn’t feel good about myself. It wasn’t him that rejected me as I projected earlier. I wound up leaving with no content, no connections, and a wasted day.

Moral of the story: The way you speak to yourself, determines the outcome of your future.

Here are some lessons I wish I learned sooner to help boost my confidence:

  1. I’ve learned to receive compliments. I rewired myself to stop putting energy into turning down compliments.

  1. I’ve learned that giving genuine compliments helps me boost another queen as well. When you are in a room of happy queens, there is no other way to go but up.
  2. Smile.A lot. The more I frowned, the more negative attention it brought. It prompts people to tell me to smile (which is annoying) or worse, ask me what’s wrong (which in turns makes me think of everything that’s going wrong. Fake a smile and it attracts positive energy.
  3. I’ve learned to walk with my head held high. I learned what being comfortable in your own skin should look like, especially body language.
  4. I’ve learned when I look good, I’m more productive. When I look good, I feel good. Putting extra effort into my look totally upped my productivity by 1,000%.
  5. I’ve learned honing in on a skill or a hobby has given me something to look forward to and be proud of. It gives an air of confidence knowing something like the back of my hand.
  6. I’ve learned constant reassurance and gratification brings abundance. In turn it breeds confidence.
  7. I’ve learned to enjoy my solitude. To kill self-doubt, I should have comfort alone with my thoughts. That only takes practice.
  8. I”ve learned comparison is truly the thief of joy. So keep your eyes on your own prize and focus on crushing your own goals.
  9. The most important lesson I learned was to remember to have a social life. Doing things without your partner and making time for friends helps create a healthy mindset.

Hope my experience helped you guys.

Remember to dream big. Take chances. And never stop learning. We are CurlyBae.

Besos.

Hey CurlFrans!

It’s that time of year once again. Growing up awaiting Christmas felt a bit more pure than it does an adult. Coming from a Caribbean background, Christmas is all about the culture and family. My experience living in Florida feels more commercialized. It’s tempting to join the chaos to catch the “deals” I know I can’t afford. I’ve realized presents are not always appreciated. Broken relationships will remain broken and low bank accounts will need to replenish the next payday. Many Americans fall behind on their bills this time of the year to play into the hype of Black Friday. When in actuality, the only people who benefit are the major department stores.

Sad story, right? The aggressive cycle of poverty and despair after Christmas will be no more. I’ve come up with a list of gifts to support small businesses and hit the bigger businesses where it really hurts.

A Gift of Color

Halo Hair Wraps Instagram: @halowraps

This pretty brand has the right idea on how to brighten a girls life. With the right earrings and a good lip, it can create a whole look while saving time. Who doesn’t love a good hack? Also a good discount code! Use BLACKFRIYAY for 30% off today!

A Gift of Sexy

Iconic Kouture

This sultry brand has all of your needs to bring out your alter ego. With each hand selected piece in Iconic Kouture collection, it’s bound to spice up your wardrobe whether you’re on the beach, in the bedroom, or out on a fancy date.

A Gift of Taste

My Modern Caribbean Kitchen

A book that adds bursts of flavor and culture in your kitchen. Professional Boxer and Chef Julius Jackson has hit the mark creating this thoughtful recipe book. It’s filled with modern twists to traditional dishes from the Virgin Islands and easy to follow recipes. Surprise your loved ones with a gift that would change the way they see food.

A Gift of Glam

Baus Lashes

This brand hits the nail on the head with simplicity and functionality. Easy to apply lashes that add flair to you face. One pair lasts up to 25 wears! “Baus” up the way you buy lashes. If you miss the Black Friday sale, no worries! Use my code: CurlyBae for a discount.

A Gift of Island Pride

Caribbean Local Fashion

Who doesn’t love a good bar necklace to layer? The Island Girl Collection has made it’s way around the world. Perfect addition to any outfit. Use my discount code: CurlyBae for discount code.

A Gift of Sisterhood

Hey CurlyBae Merch

Don’t you love some cozy merch from your favorite community? Check out my new arrivals. Make sure you use the hashtag #curlybaeinspired for a feature.

A Gift of Luxury

Koinonia By Zazel

I can always appreciate a good beat topped off with some cute lashes. One pair is never enough. Use my discount code: CurlyBae for your discount.

A Gift of Trends

KayC’s Kloset

I’ve been rocking with this brand since the beginning. It never disappoints with island couture. Definitely want to cop a thigh bag for playing mas next carnival.

A gift of Indulgence

Skin By Nequai

The island remedy that has all skin types shooketh! This handmade skin detox brings out the youthful, glow from tired skin. Get yours today.

Final Note

Christmas of course is the season of giving but as a nation we have taken this saying too literally. Of course it’s nice to get lavish gifts, but also be mindful on where you spend your hard earned money. It is also wise to actually take the time out and spend time with your family and show your appreciation year round.

Remember to dream big, take chances, and never stop learning. We are CurlyBae. Besos.

Click here to see the video format.

Hey CurlFrans!

It has been over 7 years since I’ve done my first big chop. Over the years I’ve struggled with figuring out my hair type, texture and just what products to use. I used to think it was a cookie cutter, instructions included type if deal. Boy was I dead wrong! Side Note: Did you know that your hair porosity changes over time? Mind Blown!

Many people ask me how do I get my hair to grow or how do I have the patience to deal with it. The answer is, dedication. Just like I would take care of any other part of my body, I don’t want to neglect my crown of curls or hide it behind some bundles. Although, it is nice to have a break from time to time.

The main key to growing healthy hair is to simplify your routine. Wash, deep condition, detangle, and moisturize. I’ve listed a few products that makes it easier for me to make the process so much easier. Small disclaimer: These are affiliate links, however this post is NOT SPONSORED. I am not paid for any product placements on this post.

First item is a water bottle. I cannot tell you how important it is to detangle your hair when wet. I like the mist function because it puts you in control of how much moisture your hair gets. Water helps the products absorb better and create better results.

Second, products is a really amazing detangler. The tools you use for your hair can be even more important than the actual product you use. I love the denman brush because it really helps my straggly strands clump together.

Third item is a moisturizing styler. One that would give you both definition plus moisture. There are a few that I absolutely love! My number one product though would be Aunt Jackie’s Curl Boss Gelee. It literally can be combined with anything! It dries clear and gives the ultimate definition without the crunch. It is also amazing for styling my big puff!

Fourth item, is of course the PUFF CUFF! I’m not going to lie a was not a believer at first. We have seen the ancestors of these fun clips in the 2000. However the innovation and the inclusivity it boasts for thick curls have won me over. I love how easy it is to transport. It is almost indestructible so you won’t have to repurchase often. And the final key, I don’t have to fight to get it into a secure hold. It literally cut my styling time into one-third! This is the key staple! A whole new alternative for busted hair ties. It is worth the investment.

Final item, a great edge control. I’m not a big fan of having slick edges 24/7. However,there are some times I would like to be polished. The Style Factor: Edge Booster does that for me. It doesn’t turn white, get greasy, flake, or break my hair. It is water based which is preferred and it smells amazing. They come in many scents and hyper effective for even the most stubborn edges.

Now of course these products can differ depending on the climate you live in and of course your routine and hair type. Check out my entire store for my holy grail store.

Thanks guys for checking in. Tell me what you think in the comments. And remember to dream big, take chances, and never stop learning. We are CurlyBae.

Besos

I went to FABU this past weekend in Tampa, Florida. Dress: Forever 21

Hey CurlFrans,

Transparent post alert. Being attractive is not as easy as it seems. Everyone wants to be desired, everyone wants a desired look, but no one ever considers what comes with “the look”.

Self esteem is supposed to be the idea of how one feels about themselves. However, the way we feel about ourselves is mostly impacted by what surrounds us. I would hear my guy friends compare women on a daily basis. “She look sweet, but she ain’t got no ass.” Or, “She got a nice body, but an ugly face.” These hurtful comments made me stop and wonder what was wrong with me?

Observing how many compare women to one another like a pastime sport, it became real easy to start doing the same to myself. Spending more time pinpointing my flaws and wishing I could improve certain parts of me. Over the years, I’ve struggled with eating disorders and self-hatred. It took me a while to be able to be okay with what I saw in the mirror.

As a woman, I have had to struggle with criticism, rejection, abuse, and humiliation. I’ve been told that’s part of being a woman, but for the life of me I can’t understand it. To be pursued as though I’m the holy grail, and thrown out like wet toilet paper. I’ve developed a strong distrust in men. Knowing that every single man that I encounter will see me as another conquest. I’m a shattered porcelain doll, glued back together with the same tears that roll down my cheeks.

The gag is, men are aware of what they do. They pit women against each other, laugh at us knowing they got away with damn near murder, and never once hold themselves accountable. So at this point I need to ask myself, should I stay and be abused? Or move on and get my abuse from another person? Or live and die alone? To men, I’m fun to look at. I’m not a real person. Lie to me, tell me what I want to hear. Use me until i’ve gone mad or become an empty shell of a person.

I live in constant fear my entire life because being a black woman is the scariest experience ever. Everyday I proudly live in my truth, accept the inevitable, and I’m 1,000% scared to love. The brutal honesty is the person you love isn’t always going to be honest or faithful. The person you love won’t be half as into you as you are to them. The only solution to my desolate cycle is transparency, love, and time. In due time, I will love again, and in due time I will shine again.

What I have learned in my 5 years of being single and healing?

  • I can’t drown the pain with positive thoughts. Although, they are great affirmations, I can’t pretend that the trauma doesn’t exist. I have to work through it. In the years that I have battled with this, I’ve learned that if a man is uncomfortable with my past, he will never respect me. I should be able to talk to him about traumas I have been through and not just the pretty stuff.
  • I can’t mask the pain with sex. Sex is, of course, FANTABULOUS! But sex isn’t a cure for trauma. Instead, it is a constant reminder of trauma.
  • I will never let anyone silence my inner voice. That voice took years of experience. I call it my gift from God. It’s the only reason I’m still alive.
  • If a person ever lies to me, I can forgive them. I will just know that their lies is just a carbon footprint of what they are. Once you see what they are capable of, there is no unseeing it.
  • I am 100% responsible for my healing. If I date men that triggers trauma, I can’t claim to be a victim from my own consequences.

Thanks guys for your patience,

Remember to dream big, take chances, and never stop learning. We are CurlyBae.

Hey CurlFriends,

I am back and as you see, I am new and improved! I realized my old blog was all over the place. I started my blog with no direction. I didn’t know the difference between a “thumbnail” and a “hangnail”. Since I started back in 2016, I’ve learned so much about the blogging world, as well as myself.

I went through plenty of failures as a blogger and a start up business owner. I tried, I’ve lost, and I have learned. Join this new journey with me of growth. My focus is solely on improvement, and helping others. I’m more than just a natural hair blogger. I have a story and ready to share all summer ’19. So if you haven’t already subscribed to my blog, do so. It’s free. Free knowledge never hurts, right?

Don’t worry, I’ll still have natural hair tips and beauty reviews for all of my CurlFriends. However, my mission is more focused on inspiring others to simply stop living in fear. Failure is a must in order to grow. I hope you can appreciate my growth.

Thank you so much for tuning in, I’ll be as regular as life allows me. However, expect a post at least once a week. Keep up with me for daily updates on Instagram.

Anywho, If you guys want to learn how I got from less than 1,000 followers to 10k followers on Instagram and 1,200 subscribers on YouTube from scratch, stay tuned.

And remember to Dream Big, Take Chances, and Never Stop Learning. We are CurlyBae.

Besos